I am not alone. Ever. Rarely is there a time when I have peace and quiet to myself. I'm not sure I would want it, even if I could have it. I'd rather not be left alone with my thoughts. Life is fleeting these days. Moments pass in an instant, gone forever. I have two crazy kids, a husband, a dog...family, but I feel alone. Lonely is probably a better word.I recently started Insanity, as another outlet for my thoughts. A way to keep me busy. I guess I can hang out with Shaun T. and the rest of his work out crew. I have very few friends of my own, only a couple really. I work from home, while watching the kids. Let's be honest, the most interaction I get is at the market, a place I would frequent more if we had more money. Try as I may to do everything right, I've been failing lately. I don't feel like my oldest son (almost 3) really even likes me very much most the time. I'm the "disciplinary" and he hates that. Nate, the little one, still likes me now, but I'm sure that'll change too eventually. I've fallen short in the wife department over and over again. Try as I may, I can't seem to do everything I need to for my husband. My family is on the East Coast, while I'm over here on the West Coast and especially lately, I really could use more time with them. Brian's family is wonderful, but let's face it, they are still HIS and I need some of my own. Work is going pretty well, I stay busy enough, although I really wish I had a "real job" so that I could have some "purpose" or validity to the hours I spend. Vacuuming, changing diapers and fixing meals doesn't seem to cut it these days.
I'm never alone, just lonely. And honestly, I could really use a hug and a you're doing ok right now. I know I won't get it, but I sure could use it.
