Happiness Project - Day 3

Last night, in the dead of night, Nate woke up. Normally not a "happy" moment for either of us. Last night was different. I haven't been sleeping well, had been up a few times already and his company and hugs were a welcome distraction. I brought him to bed and he just lay his little head on my shoulder and cuddled for awhile. There is something so wonderful about that feeling with your child. Infinite love. Happiness.

Funk. Everybody is in a FUNK.

It's no secret that I have been in a funk. It has been a long couple weeks of mommyhood with little or no breaks from the kiddos. I teeter totter between looking at them with a feeling that my heart my burst if I love them anymore and pulling my hair out. It's a weird thing --being a mom.

But I am none the less, in a funk. The hubs and I are planning a trip to Vegas. I should be excited but I'm more worried about how we will pay for it and how the boys will be with us being gone. They are staying with their "Omi" and will be in great hands, but still...it's only the second time I will have been away from Jake and the very first away from Nathan. Freaks me out a little bit.

Happiness - Day 2

This post is about Jacob, again. Jacob tries my patience. Both of my kids do, like any children! Yesterday was one of those days where I see what could drive a parent to drink. We were stuck at the house and full of energy! Yesterday Jake lifted weights with me and then just spent some quality time hanging out with me while his brother took a nap. During that time he told me that I would always be his best friend. "Best Friends Forever" he said. He said it again when I put him to bed last night. Makes my heart happy to hear those kinds of things out of his mouth when he could say so much bad! Love him so much.

My "Happiness Project"

My goal ...or one of them for this year is to find a way to be truly happy with my life. To see the good before the bad in things and to look on the "sunny side" of life. There is always so much to be thankful for and we only get this one life we are given. Too much time is spent in the 'wish I hads' and 'might have beens'.

Happiness Project 2014 - Day 1

Last night I lay outside my oldest sons door...on the floor...in the dark. I was quiet. My husband had turned off the television so we could hear more clearly what he might be singing about. Jake had gone to bed almost an hour before but with the time change, it just wasn't tired. He was being good though, staying in his room and singing aloud about the days events, his favorite things and what we might do tomorrow. In those few moments before he realized we had turned the tv down, I listened with such happiness at the sweet voice coming from behind the door. Jake is a joy. He loves the world and learning and he loves us. I am lucky to have him and for me, this was a very happy moment.

Where has the time gone?

It's now 2014. I can remember ringing in the new year from 99-2000.....and since then,  14 years have passed. I have to ask myself, where has the time gone and have I spent it wisely. I'd say the majority of those 14 years weren't spent as wisely as I could have, but really, I was a child. Many hard lessons were learned, much time wasted on the wrong people doing the wrong things. Now fast forward and here we are sitting on January 3rd of 2014. I have two kids. I'm turning the dreaded 30 this year. It's crazy how much time has flown by. I try not to think about how quickly life is passing. How much older week to week my boys look and act. It makes me so sad to think of their fleeting babiness but so proud to see how intelligent they are and how much they are already growing as little people.

I have a few goals for this year.

1. Spend more time interacting at the boys level with them.
2. Be the healthiest I have EVER been in my life by 30.
3. Get ahead of all my problems - mostly finances
4. Find happiness in what I already have (which is so much)
5. Let go of the little things.
6. Find something that helps our family our financially and me mentally - something gratifying

I'll let you know how it goes. Happy New Year.

This week has been both a long and a short one
. It sure seems like that's the way life is all around these days. Days drag on but moments slip by. It's been a rough week. I have felt alone, abandoned. I try to keep it in perspective. Everyone is fighting battles, every. single. day. Bigger battles than I am fighting. I really am lucky to have all that I have. Jake and I have spent some good time together the last couple days. His love for life, while sometimes makes me crazy, is infectious. Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and a long look at those two boys, the loves of my life and press on. It's Friday. Hopefully the weekend brings with it a refreshing new start.

Lonely, but not alone.

I am not alone. Ever. Rarely is there a time when I have peace and quiet to myself. I'm not sure I would want it, even if I could have it. I'd rather not be left alone with my thoughts. Life is fleeting these days. Moments pass in an instant, gone forever. I have two crazy kids, a husband, a dog...family, but I feel alone. Lonely is probably a better word.I recently started Insanity, as another outlet for my thoughts. A way to keep me busy. I guess I can hang out with Shaun T. and the rest of his work out crew. I have very few friends of my own, only a couple really. I work from home, while watching the kids. Let's be honest, the most interaction I get is at the market, a place I would frequent more if we had more money. Try as I may to do everything right, I've been failing lately. I don't feel like my oldest son (almost 3) really even likes me very much most the time. I'm the "disciplinary" and he hates that. Nate, the little one, still likes me now, but I'm sure that'll change too eventually. I've fallen short in the wife department over and over again. Try as I may, I can't seem to do everything I need to for my husband. My family is on the East Coast, while I'm over here on the West Coast and especially lately, I really could use more time with them. Brian's family is wonderful, but let's face it, they are still HIS and I need some of my own. Work is going pretty well, I stay busy enough, although I really wish I had a "real job" so that I could have some "purpose" or validity to the hours I spend. Vacuuming, changing diapers and fixing meals doesn't seem to cut it these days.

I'm never alone, just lonely. And honestly, I could really use a hug and a you're doing ok right now. I know I won't get it, but I sure could use it.